Worry Mode

I know it's been a while. Please forgive me. I've been caught up in the "worry mode" again. What's that you ask? Well, it's when you get so caught up in what might might or might not happen that you forget to enjoy what is.

God gave me a very poignant reminder of this today. Funny how we can think we've matured and grown beyond the mistakes we've made in the past, and then we make the very same choice—just in a different form.

Mine was a house. Yes, you read that correctly. A house. This was my family's dream house. We built and landscaped it ourselves. It was perfect. Or so I thought. I began to worry. Did I have the right plants? Did I have the right paint? Did I have the right furniture? Did we build our deck the right way? I got so caught up in all these worries, I fogot to just enjoy and treasure God's provision.

It took a picture of this house to remind me I was doing the very same thing with writing my book. I went into "worry mode." Will it be good enough to publish? Do I know enough? Am I a good enough writer? Am I falling behind my writing friends? Am I following God's leading? Am I writing for the right reasons?

Hmm, do you see the pattern. I'm realizing worry can only happen when "I" is in the middle of it, not God. So many times I'm remined of this, yet I continue to forget and repeat my mistake.

Next time "worry mode" kicks in my prayer is that the "I" will be replaced by "God." I may not know what the right way is at the moment, but God sure does.

Control Freak

I debated on whether to tell a story today or talk about my latest discovery. Decided to save the story for another day. (Now you have to come back!)

My lastest discovery? I am a control freak. Oh, I already knew this a long time ago, but I thought I had gotten over it, most of it anyway. Well, I've recently discovered I was wrong. If anything, I've backslided into that old familiar groove.

What was my first clue, you ask? I felt like everything was out of control. Is that an oxymoron, or what? Yeah, that was clue number one. The second clue came when I got angry one day with my youngest daughter and realized it was because I was mad at my oldest daughter. Oh brother! Hadn't done that in years. Not good.

Well, finally, clue number three. (My mother always said they come in threes.) My spirit was so unsettled. I don't know if you've expereinced this feeling, but in my book, it's one of the worst. I really and truly (here comes a word I don't lightly use.) hate this feeling.

But you know what? I'm thanking God for it. He got my attention and showed me what I was doing. I was trying to be in control. What did I do? I whined, of course. I kicked my feet and complained. "God, why do you want me to be a writer when it's so hard and downright discouraging at times?" Know what he said?

"I never said it would be easy."

Hmmm. I quit complaining. I stopped whining. And I listened. Slowly but surely my peace is coming back. I know I still have a very long way to go. I know I will most likely pitch another fit at some point. I know I will try to take control again.

But I also know God will continue to remind me He's the one in control, and that's where I truly want to be. In His hands. His wonderful, loving, strong hands.

So I've decided to pray each day that God will change me from a control freak to a control giver. And I'm going to give it all to Him.

If you're a control freak and would like me to pray for you, too, leave a comment for me. I'll be glad to spread the joy. Maybe we can even pray for each other…

Friendship

Oh, good grief! I've let another week go by. Seems the work of a writer is unending and consuming. At least for me these days. Note to self. Blog more!

I was reading 1Samual 18 the other day and the firendship between Jonathan and David struck me again. Verse one talks about how Jonathan became one in spirit with David and loved him as he loved himself. Then in verse four Jonathan gives David his robe, tunic, sword, bow and belt.

Such dedication to a man that would take the throne from him! I know David is the star of the story, but I find Jonathan's dedication to be inspiring. His devotion is so unlike what one would expect from a man in his position. Here he is, next in line for the throne of Israel, and he's giving his place, willingly, to David, and ready to be David's second. Such selfless abandon!

I think their friendship is a wonderful example of putting other's before ourselves, even if it means giving them something we want. This is not an easy thing to do. And I don't think we are capable of this selfless love without God's hand. I would love to be able to say I do this easily, but I would be lying. But reading it did make me want to truly be the best friend I could to those special people in my life.

God's wisdom in this continuously keeps me in awe. He always puts the right person in my life at the right time, but you know what's really amazing? Sometimes I'm the one He's putting in someone's life at the right time. That blows me away to think He can use me that way. How wonderful!

I am richly blessed with so many wonderful people who have touched my life in special ways. And a few of them I have the sincere pleasure of walking along side in life on a daily basis.

So to all my dear friends out there, thank you for being in my life. Even if it's only for a brief while, you'll be in my heart forever.

Good Friday

Wow, has it really been that long since my last entry? I better get moving.

Hard to believe Easter is just a few days away. There's an excitement building in the air. Can you feel it? It bubbles slowly, building inside until you just can't hold it in anymore. It explodes in a rush and suddenly the words come bursting out in a wild kind of joy.

He is risen! He is risen indeed!

Yes, Christ is risen indeed. Tomorrow is Good Friday. I heard
someone ask recently, "If Jesus died on that day, why do they call it Good Friday?" I honestly didn't know what to say. I didn't know why.

So I did some searching. My family and I used to live in Switzerland and Good Friday was called Karfreitag—loosely translated as Mourning or Sorrowful Friday. Businesses and schools closed early the Thursday before and didn't reopen until Saturday. It was a holiday. A religious holiday. A holy day. Good Friday.

Others speculate that it's like our current "good-bye" that evolved from "God be with you." Perhaps it was once God Friday and has now become Good Friday.

I don't really know which it is, but I do know that an amazing thing happened that day. Christ died so that I may live. Eternally. So, however it became Good Friday is secondary to the miracle of Christ's resurrection. And it is a miracle. In my book, it's the greatest miracle God ever performed. Without it, we are nothing and there is nothing gained.

Christ's resurrection is the proof that His crucifixion wasn't in vane. We don't like to face the harshness of His death. We don't like to think of someone suffering on our account. We don't want to accept that we needed Christ to die for us in order to have a relationship with God. But it's true.

It's also true that without Christ's resurrection, there would be no salvation. Paul tried to dispell rumors that there was no resurrection. In 1Corinthians 15:13-14, he says, "If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith."

Those are powerful words. The crucifixion and the resurrection go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other. It just doesn't work. God made it that way. He is risen. We are saved.

So what's the excitement that builds inside us? I believe it's the Holy Sprit reminding us of the amazing power God unleashed in us through Christ. We can do nothing, be nothing, without Christ. Or, we can do all things through Him. (Philippians 4:13)

I choose to do all things through Him, because I know without Him I am nothing. I can't imagine trying to live my life without Him. It's the most amazing and exciting journey I've ever taken. And the best part is, it doesn't end.

So, I close with the words that keep bubbling in my mind and bursting from my lips. Christ is risen. He is risen indeed!

Have a blessed Easter!

Are you a Caroline?

As I listened to Air 1 this morning, the song Caroline by Seventh Day Slumber came over the airwaves. I found myself tearing up when the words filtered into my cluttered mind. Wow. What a wonderful song. I wish I could include the words to it, but, alas, the publisher says I have to get permission. Here's a link. Go check it out and come back. Please.

Caroline by Seventh Day Slumber

If you know the song, it's even better. I can hear the tune running through my head as I write this. Let me wipe away your tears and give you life, make you feel beautiful again. That really speaks to me. In a world that dictates most women be a petite toothpick to be beautiful, that tells me I don't have to live by that standard. (As if I even could!) God does make me feel beautiful. I love that about Him. His presence, Christ, in me, shining forth. Beautiful.

There's that tune again. Caroline. God keeps reminding me He's there. I'm not alone. His arms are open wide. What love, what grace! So amazing…

And when you think you've gone too far, He'll meet you where you are.

Are you a Caroline?