Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Worry Mode

I know it's been a while. Please forgive me. I've been caught up in the "worry mode" again. What's that you ask? Well, it's when you get so caught up in what might might or might not happen that you forget to enjoy what is.

God gave me a very poignant reminder of this today. Funny how we can think we've matured and grown beyond the mistakes we've made in the past, and then we make the very same choice—just in a different form.

Mine was a house. Yes, you read that correctly. A house. This was my family's dream house. We built and landscaped it ourselves. It was perfect. Or so I thought. I began to worry. Did I have the right plants? Did I have the right paint? Did I have the right furniture? Did we build our deck the right way? I got so caught up in all these worries, I fogot to just enjoy and treasure God's provision.

It took a picture of this house to remind me I was doing the very same thing with writing my book. I went into "worry mode." Will it be good enough to publish? Do I know enough? Am I a good enough writer? Am I falling behind my writing friends? Am I following God's leading? Am I writing for the right reasons?

Hmm, do you see the pattern. I'm realizing worry can only happen when "I" is in the middle of it, not God. So many times I'm remined of this, yet I continue to forget and repeat my mistake.

Next time "worry mode" kicks in my prayer is that the "I" will be replaced by "God." I may not know what the right way is at the moment, but God sure does.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Control Freak

I debated on whether to tell a story today or talk about my latest discovery. Decided to save the story for another day. (Now you have to come back!)

My lastest discovery? I am a control freak. Oh, I already knew this a long time ago, but I thought I had gotten over it, most of it anyway. Well, I've recently discovered I was wrong. If anything, I've backslided into that old familiar groove.

What was my first clue, you ask? I felt like everything was out of control. Is that an oxymoron, or what? Yeah, that was clue number one. The second clue came when I got angry one day with my youngest daughter and realized it was because I was mad at my oldest daughter. Oh brother! Hadn't done that in years. Not good.

Well, finally, clue number three. (My mother always said they come in threes.) My spirit was so unsettled. I don't know if you've expereinced this feeling, but in my book, it's one of the worst. I really and truly (here comes a word I don't lightly use.) hate this feeling.

But you know what? I'm thanking God for it. He got my attention and showed me what I was doing. I was trying to be in control. What did I do? I whined, of course. I kicked my feet and complained. "God, why do you want me to be a writer when it's so hard and downright discouraging at times?" Know what he said?

"I never said it would be easy."

Hmmm. I quit complaining. I stopped whining. And I listened. Slowly but surely my peace is coming back. I know I still have a very long way to go. I know I will most likely pitch another fit at some point. I know I will try to take control again.

But I also know God will continue to remind me He's the one in control, and that's where I truly want to be. In His hands. His wonderful, loving, strong hands.

So I've decided to pray each day that God will change me from a control freak to a control giver. And I'm going to give it all to Him.

If you're a control freak and would like me to pray for you, too, leave a comment for me. I'll be glad to spread the joy. Maybe we can even pray for each other…

Friday, April 01, 2005


Oh, good grief! I've let another week go by. Seems the work of a writer is unending and consuming. At least for me these days. Note to self. Blog more!

I was reading 1Samual 18 the other day and the firendship between Jonathan and David struck me again. Verse one talks about how Jonathan became one in spirit with David and loved him as he loved himself. Then in verse four Jonathan gives David his robe, tunic, sword, bow and belt.

Such dedication to a man that would take the throne from him! I know David is the star of the story, but I find Jonathan's dedication to be inspiring. His devotion is so unlike what one would expect from a man in his position. Here he is, next in line for the throne of Israel, and he's giving his place, willingly, to David, and ready to be David's second. Such selfless abandon!

I think their friendship is a wonderful example of putting other's before ourselves, even if it means giving them something we want. This is not an easy thing to do. And I don't think we are capable of this selfless love without God's hand. I would love to be able to say I do this easily, but I would be lying. But reading it did make me want to truly be the best friend I could to those special people in my life.

God's wisdom in this continuously keeps me in awe. He always puts the right person in my life at the right time, but you know what's really amazing? Sometimes I'm the one He's putting in someone's life at the right time. That blows me away to think He can use me that way. How wonderful!

I am richly blessed with so many wonderful people who have touched my life in special ways. And a few of them I have the sincere pleasure of walking along side in life on a daily basis.

So to all my dear friends out there, thank you for being in my life. Even if it's only for a brief while, you'll be in my heart forever.