Friday, April 08, 2005

Control Freak

I debated on whether to tell a story today or talk about my latest discovery. Decided to save the story for another day. (Now you have to come back!)

My lastest discovery? I am a control freak. Oh, I already knew this a long time ago, but I thought I had gotten over it, most of it anyway. Well, I've recently discovered I was wrong. If anything, I've backslided into that old familiar groove.

What was my first clue, you ask? I felt like everything was out of control. Is that an oxymoron, or what? Yeah, that was clue number one. The second clue came when I got angry one day with my youngest daughter and realized it was because I was mad at my oldest daughter. Oh brother! Hadn't done that in years. Not good.

Well, finally, clue number three. (My mother always said they come in threes.) My spirit was so unsettled. I don't know if you've expereinced this feeling, but in my book, it's one of the worst. I really and truly (here comes a word I don't lightly use.) hate this feeling.

But you know what? I'm thanking God for it. He got my attention and showed me what I was doing. I was trying to be in control. What did I do? I whined, of course. I kicked my feet and complained. "God, why do you want me to be a writer when it's so hard and downright discouraging at times?" Know what he said?

"I never said it would be easy."

Hmmm. I quit complaining. I stopped whining. And I listened. Slowly but surely my peace is coming back. I know I still have a very long way to go. I know I will most likely pitch another fit at some point. I know I will try to take control again.

But I also know God will continue to remind me He's the one in control, and that's where I truly want to be. In His hands. His wonderful, loving, strong hands.

So I've decided to pray each day that God will change me from a control freak to a control giver. And I'm going to give it all to Him.

If you're a control freak and would like me to pray for you, too, leave a comment for me. I'll be glad to spread the joy. Maybe we can even pray for each other…

1 comment:

Heather Diane Tipton said...

Okay, you know I've already commented to you privately about this but I had to come read it again. I don't know if I'm a control freak but yeah I've been whining, it's so hard and down right discouraging.

seeing "I never said it would be easy." was like God knocking me upside the head. It was something I needed to hear, evidently more then once.

I'm praying for you.